susah hati

semalam I dah sampai penang... lepas subuh tadi dah tak boleh tido balik... asyik teringatkan macam mana I nak tinggalkan aireen kat sini seminggu.. tambah pulak, initial plan my mum yang nak jaga aireen seminggu ni.. tapi, semalam my mum mintak maaf sebab tak dapat jaga aireen seminggu... my mum ada important meeting to attend kat office.. alternatively, we all mintak tolong my MIL jaga aireen. Alhamdullilah, she's willing to help. so, later lepas pegi my friend's wedding.. kitaorang balik Jitra pulak untuk hantar aireen... Tapi, I rasa susah hati lak... I belum pernah tinggalkan aireen ngan MIL as sebelum ni kalau I ada kursus ke... my mum yang jaga... macam mana kalau dia nangis je nanti? dia mesti tercari-cari I or hubby nanti... nape la I tak leh cuti lak time ni.. as well as my hubby... nak hantar nursery I tak sanggup lak... bukan ape, I don't think they able to attend aireen as much as someone relatively connected. nak sediakan ubat dia lagi pagi2.. nak bagi dia makan ubat pun satu hal pulak... time nak bagi dia makan nasi lagi macam-macam hal... bila I fikir ni semua.. I susah hati sangat ni... I rasa cam mountains of guilt sebab tak dapat fulfill my duty as a mum at this moment... I wish I'll be stay-at-home mum so that I boleh jaga aireen all by myself... most important things I tak payah lalui saat-saat macam ni... which really makes me berserabut otak...